jueves, 11 de junio de 2009

Archivero de actitudes agraviantes y altamente desconfiables/ Junio 2009


Hace tiempo en mi trabajo me pidieron que les recomendara un test que tuviera la virtud de detectar qué/ tan/ confiable/ puede /ser /una /persona. Honestamente me reí en la cara del jefe que me solicitó dicho material, argumentando que la confiabilidad es un concepto tan abstracto y ambiguo que difícilmente se puede convertir en objeto de estudio medible y observable. Lo más increíble del caso es que, efectivamente, encontraron una agencia que presumió de contar con ese maravilloso instrumento, que nos aplicaron a cada uno de los empleados y, del que me burlé hasta el cansancio, pues era manipulable e infantil. Contenía preguntas tales como: ¿se considera una persona peligrosa?, ¿alguna vez se ha llevado a su casa algún bien mueble de la empresa? Ah, pero eso no es lo más insólito, no. Sino que hubo aquellos cándidos que osaron reprobarlo y a quienes tacharon de No- Confiables.

Yo tengo otro tipo de indicadores:

Desconfío de las personas que silban en la calle mientras caminan, de los que no se atreven a quitarse los zapatos delante de los demás, de los que se refieren a sí mismos en tercera persona, de los que leen libros de superación personal, de los siempre optimistas, de los que son completamente felices, de las personas altamente efectivas. Desconfío de aquellos que maltratan animales, de los excesivamente atentos, de los que nunca lloran, de los que jamás cuestionan, de las treintonas vírgenes, de los que se jactan de nunca haberle rogado a nadie, de los que siempre buscan al máximo responsable, de los que niegan resentimientos hacia sus padres, de los que no dicen “malas palabras”, de las mujeres con uñas demasiado largas, de las féminas que solo saben ser amigas de los hombres, de los que usan pupilentes de colores, de los que siempre quieren quedar bien con las figuras de autoridad, de los que tienen mamitis, de los inquebrantables, de los que se ríen histriónicamente, de las finísimas personas, de los que son demasiado melindrosos para comer, de los que sienten aversión hacia los gatos, de los que nunca han pasado por un periodo de excesos, de los que dicen no temerle a nada y, mi indicio estrella, me parecen muy sospechosos aquellos que niegan a su fascista de clóset.

Obviamente tengo parámetros bastante intuitivos, quizá metafísicos para determinar en quien no confiar y dudo mucho que, al famoso diseñador de aquella prueba absurda, le resulten de validez, mucho menos a mis jefes. A mí me han funcionado.



Imagen: Eugenio Recuenco

70 comentarios:

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